The Weakest Reed

He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle.

July 28, 2014
by Rachel Gustafson
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A Bible story that would make for some sensational reality tv

There is an ancient story of a time when God, having grown tired of the wayward tendencies of his people the Israelites, uses the life of the prophet Hosea as a real-life object lesson. God commands Hosea to marry a … Continue reading

June 24, 2014
by Rachel Gustafson
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When they say you’re a new creation and you just don’t really feel that way

This week my kids and I threw ourselves and some lunch into the car to gather with a friend and her kids.  As happens often to the conversations between mothers at home with their young children, our words were both … Continue reading

May 16, 2014
by Rachel Gustafson
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When you’re not the “good” Christian

I have a very difficult time shutting off my brain.  I analyze.  I ponder. I percolate. I ruminate. I wonder as I wander. It just never stops.  And I’m an introvert so without some space and time to organize thoughts … Continue reading

April 30, 2014
by Rachel Gustafson
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Hitting publish on this one, hoping that somehow cements it in my soul.

There is a creature endemic to darkness, one that can make itself appear innocuous, ingratiating itself to us with false piety but whose entire purpose it is to keep us there.  In shadowy places, Shame makes itself our close and … Continue reading

April 7, 2014
by Rachel Gustafson
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It’s not looking so good for those who have it all together.

This is the ugliest scar.  The one covered self-consciously, forearm drawn close over the vulnerable spot: I felt cast-off and forgotten.  And when I dusted myself off, I looked around to see that there was no one in particular to … Continue reading

March 3, 2014
by Rachel Gustafson
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A Checklist: Are you ok with God?

I’ve been using the fruit of the spirit as a performance checklist.  Love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control. Depending on how well I’m doing in these 9 areas, I ‘ve been trying to determine how fully … Continue reading

February 25, 2014
by Rachel Gustafson
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Jesus is not Disney

Apparently, they must each bring their own bucket and rope to draw water from Jacob’s well, because the Samaritan woman pointed out Jesus was lacking the necessary tools.  The well is an epidemiological nightmare. Imagine all the households that particular … Continue reading

January 19, 2014
by Rachel Gustafson
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The Insult of “We Just Want You To Feel Happy Inside”

One of my most favorite people in the world wrote about a difficult time her 4 year old daughter was having.  Her little one was acting out a bit at pre-school, unsuccessfully trying to control the actions of her friends, … Continue reading

So you got what you always wanted and it is still not enough

October 5, 2013 by Rachel Gustafson | 0 comments

There’s this passage in Isaiah that has come to mean a lot to me these last few months. It depicts a desert. A wilderness where there is no water. A barren wasteland without enough shelter or shade or sustenance. If you saw my life from the outside, you might wonder how I could relate. I certainly have enough of what I need to live a nice, comfortable life in a material sense. I don’t lack for the basic necessities and on the surface I’m relatively well-established in my home, my marriage, my current chosen career of motherhood, my community. But those who know me well, know that this last several years of my life has been a wilderness time for me.

It’s amazing how God can arrange a wilderness meeting with us at anytime and anyplace he needs to (more accurately, when we need Him to). We can be smack dab in the middle of the land of plenty and somehow we find ourselves with a parched tongue lolling from our mouths like a dog, a stomach engaged in a painful and distracting constant rumbling, uncomfortably sun-burned, on the verge of heatstroke with beasts of madness circling around threatening to become our most intimate company.

I’ve spent a lot of time beating myself up for not just being able to be satisfied with what I have here. And honestly, the world tells us that we can be satisfied, that we should be satisfied, with what it has to offer.  In fact, the most well-meaning people, myself included, can be heard saying, “Look at what you’ve got.  You’re so blessed.  Just be grateful!”  And it’s true.  But what if it is not The Truth? What if it is not greedy to want more, but instead if it is exactly what we should be wanting?  Recently, I’ve tripped over John 7:37-39 a couple of times. Something new stands out and I find myself being called to attention, bending over to examine it.

Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.’”

The Jews are celebrating the Feast of the Tabernacles. It’s the last day of this eight day long festival, considered one of the most joyful of the Jewish holidays. On this day, Jesus stands up and raises his voice to make the invitation. It has been a week of partying, being filled with good food and drink and company, and the point is made in scripture that this is the best day of the feast. Everyone is revved up and satiated and ready for the culmination of this merry affair. The religious people have already held daily water-drawing ceremonies that have been surrounded by great joy.  On this last day, this part of the celebration is even more elongated and elevated, serving as an exciting climax to all that has proceeded. “This was a time of joy so great that it was said, ‘He that never has seen the joy of the Beth he-She’ubah [water-drawing] has never in his life seen joy.’”  Apparently, even the most serious and stoic of religious followers were literally dancing like crazy at this point. Theoretically, everyone should be happy and full, but Jesus chooses this time to announce loudly that anyone who is thirsty should come to Him to drink.  

I can imagine a similar scene at the Emmys. It’s a room full of some of the richest, most powerful, best accomplished and famous people in the world and all night they’ve been relishing the best-of-the-best in terms of food and drink and clothing and luxury and entertainment. No one should be feeling too sorry for themselves. Now imagine Jesus breaking in at the end of the night and running up to the front and saying to the winners clutching the gold-winged award figure in their hands, “Hey, if there’s anyone out there that’ has still not quite had her fill, come to me and I’ll give you what you need.”

At that point, who is going to admit that they are still thirsty? You have to be feeling pretty desperate or greedy or maybe even a little crazy in the world’s eyes to run up front and say, “Yeah, um, all that was okay but I still want more. Give me what you’ve got.” Or really, couldn’t it be an act of humility to run up in front of everyone and speak the truth? “I’m willing to admit it: I may look like I’ve got it all, but I certainly don’t have it all together. I need you.”

See, I think that might be exactly why Jesus waited until the end to make his offer. Maybe he was waiting until all other options for being filled had been exhausted. The people had eaten their best foods and hung out with all their closest friends and family and even completed their religious obligations for that time. In that moment, they should feel pretty darn good. But maybe they didn’t. Maybe deep down inside, they still wanted more. I can’t think of anything more deflating than doing everything you thought you should do or finally getting everything you thought you’ve always wanted, only to realize it just doesn’t quite cut it. That thing that you’ve always thought would bring you so much fulfillment only makes you more aware of how ineffectual you are at trying to fill yourself.

The life I have is a blessing and everything in it is a gift but it is nothing- it is absolute rubbish, in fact- compared to the deep satisfaction of communion with Christ. Everything we have in this world, no matter how good it might appear, is simply not going to quench that deep-down, soul-thirsty desiccation that we all know we’ve felt in the wee hours of the night when it’s so quiet that there’s not a sound in the house loud enough to drown out the terrifying moaning of all deepest longings and fears of your heart.  In the lunchroom surrounded by a crowd people when you feel nothing but drenched in loneliness. In the arms of the person who just can’t quite hold you close enough to soothe that thing tearing you apart inside, that thing that you thought you’d buried and blockaded safely enough. After you’ve reached the height of your career, worked long and hard and sacrificed so much, and find you just don’t feel quite as satisfied with yourself and everything you’ve achieved as you thought you’d feel. Let’s all admit what comes to mind first in those moments: That if we just had that one more thing or that one perfect human relationship then we’d finally feel fulfilled. The truth is, you or I can get everything we’ve ever wanted and still be dying of thirst.

You may wander around and find a bit here or a bit there of something to wet your tongue, but it won’t last for long and it won’t, I promise you it won’t, reach down to bring refreshment to those parts of you that feel shriveled and dry deep down inside. There is only One source for that.

You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water. Psalm 63:1

This new version of this old song has been circulating this week.  It’s a good one.

I Need Thee O I Need Thee

September 20, 2013
by Rachel Gustafson
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A post for when it is fall and you’re turning 35 next week

At the height of summer a garden is verdant and plush, explosive with life.  But as the produce of the field grows ripe, the branches become ungainly as they droop here and there to accommodate the weight of burgeoning fruit. … Continue reading